i am thankful.

it has been an AWESOME day... quite relaxing... i woke up without an alarm... and then even just snuggled in bed for awhile... (btw: isn't snuggle a nice word?!!!!!! and action too.) *smile* anyway... i went to brenda's and it was fabulous... we watched a couple movies and i was able to simply rest with her family... it was fabulous. then we all enjoyed a great dinner and i was asked to say "grace." it was nice. and i felt quite privileged. i was kind of ummm uncomfortable at one point when this guy was hitting on me and just acting kind of immature... *shrug* i guess i don't know what to do in those kind of situations. just not my favorite way of being appreciated - uncomfortable... i guess when you know genuine favor and delight by someone, you can spot when it's ummmmmm... "not so much" anyway, i kept thinking, "you really have no idea what words you are saying to me and who i really am - how could you be saying these things to me..." but i kept my composure and politeness and my sunshine. i am reminded though - what real love is. how i am loved best and how i want to be loved again. all very interesting. also, i listened to an awesome sermon from when i went to see bda... i want to post it on here but the last part was skipping (quite crucial). maybe i'll try it on my computer... i am listening to christmas piano by Chris Rice. it's fabulous. this evening as i am alone in my apartment - and all is quiet... i am reminded of a small book i received last christmas... i think i'll have to pull it out... "a love worth giving to you, at christmas." by max. i wonder if i still have it around... i don't know if you are like this - but sometimes i get the thought, "am i allowed to feel or think this way? is it wrong?" *sigh* then i think about the verses, "whatever is pure whatever is noble, whatver is right, whatever is lovely think about such things..." and then i wonder what all does that encompass? all the deep feelings that come out of my heart and are a part of who i really am. *sigh* and then i just don't know. but i want to live affected. so i will let them creep in at least. these are all the thoughts rolling in my head tonight... thanks for letting me share my heart. i miss just being me. fully exposed. heart laid out in the sun. at peace. *laugh* i just looked down at my markers and pens and pencils and there's my purple asian pencil!!!!!!!! *smile* makes me happy. okay really, i'm stopping now... thanks for just being you. for listening.

BGIRL.

ps i like punky brewster.