so...

last night as i was dialoguing/journaling with Jesus... i was able to release some of those lies that i have been believing... and then just found so much truth in the lyrics of some of Bethany's songs... i love this one...

"My Love Hasn't Grown Cold" - it's a slow one... kind of reminds me of sarah mcclaughlin.
You shake your head
What is so hard to believe?
When you are in your bed
I sing over you the sweetest things
Because oh, my love, it does not tire
I'm awake when the moon is full
And I know the times when you feel lost
And you just aren't sure

Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you

You could steal away in the middle of the night
And hide in the light of day
While you cloak yourself in the darkest lies
But oh, my love, it swims in the deepest oceans of fear
And as soon as you lower your head
I am here

If only you could see how heaven stills when you speak
I know all your days
And I have wrapped you in mystery
And oh, my love for you is as wide as the galaxies
Just hold out your hand and close your eyes
And come be with me

"Hallelujah" - i love these lines:
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

"You Make Me New":
When I have been the victim of familiarity
When my heart has fallen into sleep
Healing is the voice that awakens me
And it is You

You, You make me new...

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes, You do
And You see all my pain
And cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes, You do

"Be Near Me" - This is my heart in a song!
I follow all the rules
Well, at least I'm trying
Hoping when my days are through
I'll think I'm worth Your dying
I've lived the longest days
Thinking my heart was so bad
Too scared to look in Your face
Oh, if only I had

And is it alright
If I stay here all night
By the shoreline

I cannot believe You are angry or unjust
You have done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near when I've given up
Be near me

I'm just like everyone else
We are all hiding
Acting like I have a wealth
Of knowledge and peace
But all I've ever wanted
And what men have given their lives for
Is a God who understands my weaknesses
A God that I can love

I believe You are good and righteous
You've given me Your reckless love
So be near, be near...

The inspiration for "Be Near Me"

One of my favorite movies of all time is a film based on Martin Luther's life, "Luther." It's so honest. Some of the most compelling scenes are the ones where he is so visibly struggling with the God of the 16th Century-Catholic church... wondering if He was really as unfeeling and rigid as he had been taught. In one scene, Martin is burying a young boy in the church cemetery... which was forbidden, because it was a suicide, and suicides were sent to hell. There's a crowd forming on the street, and he looks out at them and says, "God must be mercy."

Every time I watch that movie, I realize how much I’ve been deceived. I've been guilted into believing God is something that He never has been... hard, cold, and merciless; like a kid with a magnifying glass, sitting on top of an anthill.

When Martin Luther read the Gospels for the first time, it changed everything. There's no possible way to fit into words how desperate I was for that in my own life... to see God not as a tyrant, but as a compassionate Father. I long to be free from all the lies I've accepted about Him... to come before Him in all confidence, knowing that nothing but the fiercest love waiting for me there.

"But all I've ever wanted/And what men have given their lives for/Is a God who understands my weaknesses/A God that I can love..."

Funny how someone so distant from you could know with depth and be able to express similar feelings/knowings - I love it.